Monday, August 10, 2009
Bichon Frise Groomed Needlessly And Vengefully (from the dog)
First of all this is the dog talking, not some know it all hooman (ya wanna know what that broad DID? She threw me outside for barking @ the vacuum and wouldn't let me back in, like I was a regular dog or something? get real). My name is Dispatch, I've been here before, right now I think my name should have been Spike or Killer or something like that! They say I'm a bichon, ya know what that rhymes with and that's what I'm doing b.......... well maybe it don't rhyme so well but ya get the drift don't cha? First of all since I'm what they call a bichon frise (call me a powder puff and see which ankle hurts first!) I have to supposedly be groomed all time, not just once in awhile, like almost every day. The longer she waits to brush me the longer it takes and the more it hurts. I personally think about 1/2 inch all over and keep it that way would be the best if she aint gonna let my hair grow and get burrs in it and let me roll in the stinky stuff in the pasture.... , what do you think??
First of all she forgets to dry me when she give me a bath, I mean she dries me once but does she do the hugging and rubbing with the second towel right away? Nooooo sireee Bob, I have to wait till she like cleans the sink? Do ya see the look of utter disgust I give her for not giving me my towel rub RIGHT away and then playing pulley pulley with the towel? I mean I just stood there, so peeved I couldn't move. Things are not right (she hasn't been right for awhile, even before my pal Mugsey left for some reason). At least she stays @ home with me most of the time now, that's where her place is ya know!
So she gets through with the bath yesterday and decides to cut my hair today which is a OK with me, I personally think it would wear off if she's that worried about it but
evidently she thinks not. So she trims me about half way all is OK, she says my hair is too thick for her new clippers she can't use the guard and I wiggle and zip, I aint got nothin but skin for a ways on my back, I need like spf 40 sunscreen. Makes me so mad I could kick and beat somthing up. She says she's through now, she better be after all that and the glitch.
So I goes outside and get sort of close to Fema, I thought she was going to take my place once and I admit I aint liked her since but she's missing Mugsey as bad as I do. I think he's gonna be in BIG trouble when he does come home cuz he's never been gone this long, mama did find his collar and it smelled funny, made me sad but anyway I tolerate Fema @ times. She lives with mama's cousin the neighbor, OK she lives up here too. I think Mama was havin dreams about Mugsey last night because I was too, it was brown dogs appearing out of the mist around a different house, there was a bunch of relatives (some gone) in it too with their dogs, oooooweeoooooo, I think mama started dreamin it first cuz she has the wierdest dreams.
Back to the present, Mama keeps saying something about not chasin cats, (well she's actually screamin it with my name and NO NO but I can go deaf immediatly, it's one of my talents!) Cats, I don't see no cats?
I know, I am a cat, MEOW MEOW, see I'm not chasin em and I'm in the group.
Sometimes laying around looking nonchalant (big word for a bichon dog) makes mama lose interest and the cats get really relaxed........
then POW, I go after the gray one with the tail, her name is Meany for good reason but the dog is meaner (sometimes).
No I didn't really chase em, ya think I'm toopid or something? Mama was there with the camera!
So I have learned to meow rather well now don't cha think. Soon as she turns her back the gray one is mince meat, either gray one I don't care, the red one is my friend even though it's really confused (put a name like Paris on a tomcat and what do ya expect) Paris calls me Mama and we all know good and well who mama is and I aint it! But Paris is my friend, he can rub on me and follow me all day, well most of the day till he gets really obnoxious.
So I hope you've had a better day than I have. Oh one more thing, Mama's been giving me all these good treats and putting me in the crate while she eats (who cares if I'm in the crate if I have jerky or cheese?). So then she leave me in it sometimes for like a while. Sometimes I go in it for the heck of it. She didn't put me in it while she ate lunch today? I barked, growled, talked, did the butt bounce while lookin @ the crate, did all 4 @ once and she still didn't give me my treat. Stoopid woman, get used to something and she changes it, sheesh. Hope ya had a better day, I'm gonna go watch the rain now since the big noise is over. Then I need my 3rd nap. Oh yeah, the broad put this on the blog (broad-blog pretty good for a ball of FLUFF don't cha think?) anyway she said somethin about the spacin not bein right and my pictures not wanting to show another way. @ least she aint freakin like she did the other day when she couldn't get on blogger, you would have thought cats had invaded from Mars or something the way she carried on.
If you've gotten this far Mama says you deserve the link to the crate training article so here it it link.