Monday, August 10, 2009

Bichon Frise Groomed Needlessly And Vengefully (from the dog)

First of all this is the dog talking, not some know it all hooman (ya wanna know what that broad DID? She threw me outside for barking @ the vacuum and wouldn't let me back in, like I was a regular dog or something? get real). My name is Dispatch, I've been here before, right now I think my name should have been Spike or Killer or something like that! They say I'm a bichon, ya know what that rhymes with and that's what I'm doing b.......... well maybe it don't rhyme so well but ya get the drift don't cha? First of all since I'm what they call a bichon frise (call me a powder puff and see which ankle hurts first!) I have to supposedly be groomed all time, not just once in awhile, like almost every day. The longer she waits to brush me the longer it takes and the more it hurts. I personally think about 1/2 inch all over and keep it that way would be the best if she aint gonna let my hair grow and get burrs in it and let me roll in the stinky stuff in the pasture.... , what do you think??

First of all she forgets to dry me when she give me a bath, I mean she dries me once but does she do the hugging and rubbing with the second towel right away? Nooooo sireee Bob, I have to wait till she like cleans the sink? Do ya see the look of utter disgust I give her for not giving me my towel rub RIGHT away and then playing pulley pulley with the towel? I mean I just stood there, so peeved I couldn't move. Things are not right (she hasn't been right for awhile, even before my pal Mugsey left for some reason). At least she stays @ home with me most of the time now, that's where her place is ya know!
So she gets through with the bath yesterday and decides to cut my hair today which is a OK with me, I personally think it would wear off if she's that worried about it but
evidently she thinks not. So she trims me about half way all is OK, she says my hair is too thick for her new clippers she can't use the guard and I wiggle and zip, I aint got nothin but skin for a ways on my back, I need like spf 40 sunscreen. Makes me so mad I could kick and beat somthing up. She says she's through now, she better be after all that and the glitch.

So I goes outside and get sort of close to Fema, I thought she was going to take my place once and I admit I aint liked her since but she's missing Mugsey as bad as I do. I think he's gonna be in BIG trouble when he does come home cuz he's never been gone this long, mama did find his collar and it smelled funny, made me sad but anyway I tolerate Fema @ times. She lives with mama's cousin the neighbor, OK she lives up here too. I think Mama was havin dreams about Mugsey last night because I was too, it was brown dogs appearing out of the mist around a different house, there was a bunch of relatives (some gone) in it too with their dogs, oooooweeoooooo, I think mama started dreamin it first cuz she has the wierdest dreams.

Back to the present, Mama keeps saying something about not chasin cats, (well she's actually screamin it with my name and NO NO but I can go deaf immediatly, it's one of my talents!) Cats, I don't see no cats?

I know, I am a cat, MEOW MEOW, see I'm not chasin em and I'm in the group.

Sometimes laying around looking nonchalant (big word for a bichon dog) makes mama lose interest and the cats get really relaxed........
then POW, I go after the gray one with the tail, her name is Meany for good reason but the dog is meaner (sometimes).
No I didn't really chase em, ya think I'm toopid or something? Mama was there with the camera!

So I have learned to meow rather well now don't cha think. Soon as she turns her back the gray one is mince meat, either gray one I don't care, the red one is my friend even though it's really confused (put a name like Paris on a tomcat and what do ya expect) Paris calls me Mama and we all know good and well who mama is and I aint it! But Paris is my friend, he can rub on me and follow me all day, well most of the day till he gets really obnoxious.

So I hope you've had a better day than I have. Oh one more thing, Mama's been giving me all these good treats and putting me in the crate while she eats (who cares if I'm in the crate if I have jerky or cheese?). So then she leave me in it sometimes for like a while. Sometimes I go in it for the heck of it. She didn't put me in it while she ate lunch today? I barked, growled, talked, did the butt bounce while lookin @ the crate, did all 4 @ once and she still didn't give me my treat. Stoopid woman, get used to something and she changes it, sheesh. Hope ya had a better day, I'm gonna go watch the rain now since the big noise is over. Then I need my 3rd nap. Oh yeah, the broad put this on the blog (broad-blog pretty good for a ball of FLUFF don't cha think?) anyway she said somethin about the spacin not bein right and my pictures not wanting to show another way. @ least she aint freakin like she did the other day when she couldn't get on blogger, you would have thought cats had invaded from Mars or something the way she carried on.

If you've gotten this far Mama says you deserve the link to the crate training article so here it it link.


Checkers said...

you look beautiful dispatch - sorry I haven't been around - but mom is just so doggone busy!!!!

TC said...

Thank you Checkers, and that's OK, we do miss you and your mom but we know what it's like to be busy (and a celebrity no less!)

Mama was just looking @ me and wondering HOW she managed to get my back legs so funny looking, might have been the hair she cut off rather than working the tangles out?

Jan Mader said...

I think you look beautiful too. And as for the cats, I think you have them figured out!

TC said...

Thanks Jan, those cats are pesky but I keep them in line or try to.

Lily said...

Poor Dispatch... I got a feeling you had a lot to do with the 'spot' on your back.

I was going to let Sadie read this, but the part about rolling in the pasture... You're a BAD influence!

Sadie's mom

TC said...

I think it's all Mamas' fault Lily?

You mean Sadie doesn't roll in the pasture? Charlie the yorkiepoo (see previous post) found a perfectly delicious "thing" in the far yard, it was so disintegrated it was like a green goo plate, did he ever smell good when he got through! My hooman sis (formerly known as my intended till she became fickle with another dog) had to give him a bath like now.
I also showed Mama where she had ran over a snake with the lawnmower far far from the house, I only got one good roll in and she made me stop?
Green goo would look rather lovely on my fluffy white hair don't ya think?;-D

mistaya's M.O.M. said...

Oh Dispatch, I know just how you feel when those huomens change a perfectly good routine without a word to us important pooches! M.O.M. bought one of those monster things to trim my pretty toenails with and I thought it was going to eat my paws. And what a racket the little sander thingamajig makes when she tries to stick my little toenail in it. I just don't know what we can do about these people. Even cats can be easier to get along with sometimes. Just how close is that ankle when you are waiting for that towel???????? Mistaya (my M.O.M. always has to help me type for the blog too.) I sure wish I had poseable thumbs too! Boy things would be different around here!

AL said...

Hahahaha, Go Dispatch, chase them, ya know that's all I do the whole day wait for Prudence and chase her around the house and the backyard! At last you're Mom let you speak, it's always you're Mom who tell stories about you, now it's the real you and I want more doggie stories especially your pictures with those cats! Arrrrrr, if you can only see the streaks on the table while looking at the cat on your blog arf arf!


SquirrelQueen said...

Aw Spike, I mean Dispatch, you poor little abused doggie! I think you look so cute even if you do like to chase cats, except Paris.

The bare spot on your behind will grow over soon, maybe you won't get a sunburn. You know what could be worse? My mom says if I don't stop getting tangles and mattes in my fur I am getting a lion cut. Have you ever seen a kitty with a lion cut, it makes them look like a poodle, not a lion. That's just not right.

Miss Cindi Lou Who
PS, don't tell my mom about the crate training. I hate my crate!

TC said...

Mistaya I never bite hard (Mama anyway) so I doubt if the ankle thing would do much good. I don't know how she couldn't see the DOG was wet and needed dried off, I mean she dries me when I have dew on my feet and I'm soppin wet and she ignores me?
I am Ok with the sander thing, I like it much better than the guillotine scissors Mama used to use. I have a video of her using it on me on my youtube videos?
I read the email about the black lab on your blog, made me miss Mugsey. Made mama turn on the fountain again and she had to go get a big thing she calls a handkie. But Mama said thank you for sharing. It was beautiful and it could teach us alot.
She still is under the delusion I will be taught?

TC said...

Coffee, if you were here you could help me chase cats. Sometimes we even get an opossum or a rabbit, I caught a baby rabbit once, it made lots of noise, I was scared of it sort of. Mama tried to teach me to dig moles, she killed them and then I got them, I don't like to dig in dirt that much and the moles aren't much fun.
Mama lets me talk sometimes, sometimes she tries to make me be quiet like when we have company and they are talkin to Mama, they don't know I am the most important thing in her life evidently.
We will try to come up with more kitty pictures.

TC said...

Miss Cindi Lou Who,
My Mama likes your name, she likes the show it came from. I like Lady and the Tramp personally but she won't buy me a copy?
Ahhh, about the haircut? You sound like a non chaseable cat but if you looked like a lion or a poodle, I just don't know what would happen? Maybe you should lay low for a bit? Snooze like I'm doin, it's my morning nap, comes right after I get up.
I bet you do for your crate what I do when Mama is in the car and I manage to come over the side of the passenger seat so I can be by her. She doesn't think I HAVE to be able to touch her @ all times? I don't have to touch her, just have to know I can and I'm ok. Anyway I get real stiff and my 4 legs go our and she can't fit me back between the seats so I have to stay up front. Works every time, till she stops. Once she got real mad because I did the stiff thing and spilled coffee on her. She was NOT happy. Especially since this is the nicest car she's ever had and dogs keep spilling things in it? Or that's what she says?
Keep up the good work Cindi.

T said...

Thank you for visiting and following my blog, and the nice comment.

What a sweety Dispatch is. Bichons are sweet little dogs.

Love your blog, dogs, and kitties! :)

TC said...

My pleasure T, you are on my blog list too!